A good friend of mine travels a lot for work. She sells software in the automotive dealer space and covers part of the company’s southern region.
She lives in Chicago but has to travel to Dallas, Houston, Birmingham, Atlanta, Nashville, Tulsa and a few other cities.
She loves her job, but one thing I recall her telling me about a year into Trump’s first presidency is the insane increase in ugly stares and racist comments she had to endure.
In airports. On airplanes. In restaurants and hotels. It was all noticeably more prevalent than before 45.
To be fair, it didn’t all start with Trump.
Alicia (not her real name) is a 5-foot-10, attractive Black female.
Like women of all backgrounds and skin tones, she has to listen to comments about her appearance from men frequently. Some of those comments over the years have included racial insults.
Trump didn’t invent racism. But after Trump, she noticed an increase in the number of bold white men who decided it was OK to direct ugly, racist insults her way.
In one of the worst instances, a white man first said in a loud tone, “Hey Sexy” in the middle of the airport. When Alicia ignored the comment, the man increased his volume and yelled out, “Black bitch — like all of ‘em.” Yelled. In the middle of the airport for all to hear.
These types of occurrences were much more common after Trump entered the scene.
Of course, there are tens of millions of Trump voters who don’t go around slinging racist insults, shooting ugly stares at Black people.
Yet there’s a massive disconnect between them and the Trump-supporting racists who came out of the woodwork in 2016. You know, those Neo-Nazis and KKK types who finally felt free again.
Fast forward.
Two weeks after the 2024 election, Alicia was asked by a white friend to attend a dinner at her house. The group of 20 invited consisted largely of Trump voters. Not avowed racists. Nobody who would have ever said anything mean to Alicia. They all had met and liked Alicia.
But when Alicia’s white boyfriend asked her what they should bring to the party, Alicia said she didn’t want to go. That she wasn’t ready to be around the group.
Alicia’s boyfriend is liberal. He despises Trump. But he initially didn’t understand why Alicia couldn’t separate politics from friendships.
And that’s because — no surprise — he never had to experience life differently before or after Trump. His life was essentially the same.
This would be a great time for us try on some empathy. To hear and listen to what others think and feel.
What is a Black person to think and feel about someone who voted for a man who we all know emboldened untold numbers of America’s underbelly?
How does one digest the free pass given to racists to spew out more ugliness? Or how their candidate will again appoint people to his administration that belong to far-right wing racist organizations or attended racist conferences.
How might someone feel if one of their friends embraced a racist as their political hero? Even if just so they could pay lower taxes or save money at the gas pump.
Is Alicia just supposed to accept that her friends supported a man who has encouraged the most extreme in society to say and do whatever they want?
Should she accept that her friends supported someone who will make her life more difficult as a Black woman? Friends who voted for a man who can’t ever muster the strength to speak out against racism.
In some time, most Black people will likely show grace to an America that hasn’t shown it back. Because that’s what most of them have done since America’s founding.
In the meantime, try reciprocating. Try giving some space and grace back to allow time for Black people to process how you voted for him and whether you value them.
And maybe think about whether cheaper eggs are really worth the price.
This post originally appeared on Medium and is edited and republished with author's permission. Read more of Jeffrey Kass' work on Medium.