Meeting your partner’s family for the first time can be nerve-wracking — especially during the holiday season. It’s the time of year when loved ones gather in the spirit of peace and joy, and you definitely don’t want to be the guy who ruins it with an inappropriate joke or general awkwardness.

On the other hand, for some families, the holidays are a stressful time fraught with petty arguments and side-eyed judgments; you definitely don’t want to get caught in the crossfire of that bullshit.

With so many names and faces to remember, bad jokes to fake laugh at, and badass kids running around the house, you might find yourself needing a break.

When meeting a woman’s family, especially her parents, there can be a lot of pressure to impress and/or remain neutral amid family squabbles, all while supporting your partner. Being introduced to folks who might one day become your in-laws can either feel natural and welcoming or awkward and uncomfortable.

Either way, if you want to keep your relationship on solid ground, you’d better be on your best behavior when meeting your partner’s folks this holiday season. Which shouldn’t be too hard as long as you abide by the following advice.

Do your research

Chances are, your partner has told you quite a bit about her family over the time you’ve been together. If you’ve been paying attention, you likely know all about the relationship dynamics with her parents and extended family, as well as details about their marriages, children, experiences, and dramas. Before meeting her family, brush up on what you’ve learned and make a mental Cliffs Notes of that shit.

Get advice on what not to say or do around certain people. Perhaps her favorite uncle has struggled with alcoholism, so you should think twice before offering to fix him a gin and juice. Maybe her cousin is in the midst of a divorce, so you should steer clear of asking about her husband’s whereabouts. Her mother might be prone to hot flashes, so if she asks if anyone else feels warm, just say yes and have a backup sweater on deck because it’s about to get so icy in there, word to Gucci Mane.

Devise an exit plan

Be prepared to be overwhelmed — especially if you’ve got a low-social battery. With so many names and faces to remember, bad jokes to fake laugh at, and badass kids running around the house, you might find yourself needing a break. The problem is, if you walk off by yourself, you run the risk of insulting your hosts. Instead, map out an exit strategy with your partner before the festivities.

Come up with physical or verbal cues to let each other know when it’s time to get some air or chuck the deuces. Make sure that your signals aren’t holiday-related so that they stand out in a conversation, but only to you two. For instance, you could ask your partner if she remembered turning off the iron before leaving the house. Or, she could pretend she lost an earring and ask you to help her find it. Agree on your signals, what to do when they arise, and be sure to follow through together.

Be present, polite, and positive

Maintain a good attitude, no matter what. If you’re introverted or not accustomed to family gatherings, you may lose energy and interest before the day is done. If the dynamics between family members are a little off, you may find yourself affected by their negative energy. If your mind wanders to thoughts of your own family or the sports you’re missing while meeting your partner’s people, you might find yourself tuning out conversations.

If you find yourself in these sorts of situations, excuse yourself, visit the bathroom and splash cold water on your face while you’re in there. Then, take a few deep, cleansing breaths, and regroup before rejoining the festivities. If that’s not enough, pull your partner to the side and let her know you’re running out of gas. This may be the perfect opportunity to activate your exit strategy. Meeting new people can be exhausting, even if you’re having a great time. So, suggest that the two of you take a walk around the block or volunteer to run to the store for supplies to break up the monotony. It’s okay to let your partner know you’re waning, but never let her family see you fall to pieces.

Stay sober(ish)

Getting wasted while meeting your partner’s family is a surefire way to make a fool of yourself and relinquish whatever brownie points you may have previously scored. Maybe take it easy on the cocktails. Save your Henny behavior for elsewhere. If you decide to indulge, keep a limit in mind — and by limit, I mean the number of drinks you can have before you start feeling tipsy. Remind your partner to help hold you accountable, too. If not, you might just say or do something you can’t take back or live down. Becoming a family punchline isn’t the kind of impression you want to make.

Don’t talk shit afterward

Don’t talk badly about your partner’s family. Yes, even if she does. Just trust me on this. Spending the day with her kinfolk might trigger her, and after you two leave, she may feel the need to vent. Let her do so, but don’t join in the chorus. Even if she points out the annoying tendencies of her wino uncle or nearly divorced cousin, do not agree with her. At the end of the day, those people will always be her family. You, on the other hand, may or may not be in her life in a year or two. In fact, if it ever came out that you, too, think her mom uses menopause as an excuse to be rude to people, you’re definitely not going to be invited to light up the kinara next Kwanzaa! So, instead of commiserating, support your partner by simply listening and letting her know you understand the way she feels. Sometimes, that’s all a person needs: to be heard and understood. No solutions, no suggestions or advice; just an ear and a shoulder. Be that and stay out of her family’s politics.

Ifyou go into your partner’s family gathering this holiday season prepared to meet new people and do so with a good attitude, a sober mind, and an exit plan, you stand a good chance of making a great impression. Of course, if your relationship stands the test of time, you’ll most likely find yourself wrapped up in some of the familial shenanigans, but there’s no need to insert yourself this early in the game. Stay objective about your partner’s family and be supportive. And to paraphrase Kanye, maybe you can make it to (next) Christmas.

This post originally appeared on Medium and is edited and republished with author's permission. Read more of Elisabeth Ovesen's work on Medium.