12. Matthew, the Tax Collector
Matt was collecting taxes from Jesus’ poor people and giving them to the Romans who occupied their land. What were those taxes being spent on? It certainly wasn't those biblical roads.
11. Bartholomew, probably Nathanael
He isn’t even mentioned in the Gospel of John 一 someone named Nathanael is, instead. But, man did he most likely go in a gnarly way. Wearing his own skin after being flayed? What a sick and twisted way to be martyred, man.
10. Simon, the Zealot
He’s boring. Not the moment. Mentioned only in passing. What did he do? No idea.
9. James, son of Alphaeus
Mentioned only in each of the four lists of the apostles is yet another James, following every other James in the Bible, including James the Greater who is also mentioned in this ranking. He doesn’t stand out much.
8. Philip the Apostle (not the Evangelist)
For a guy who was part of such an important group, the early Church really did not care about thinking he was someone else. A shame, really. He can’t even make a case for himself and say he’s not Philip the Evangelist.
7. Jude, also known as Thaddeus
Jude sits at seventh partially because not much is known about his life after Jesus’ death and resurrection, as well as the fact that his lineage is a mystery. Is he Jude, brother to Jesus and James? Possibly. Does that mean anything? Who can say. Like all the others, he did some preaching and became known as a Saint, but that’s really it. He stays coasting in the middle.
6. “Doubting” Thomas
Probably the most real and relatable of the apostles, because the only rational response to being told that the guy they’ve been following has been resurrected is “show me the receipts.” More people should be like Thomas.
5. John, brother of James the Greater
This guy 一 the third apostle of the inner circle 一 apparently wrote five books of the New Testament, according to tradition, which was more than any other apostle. Word, John, acting like the Alexander Hamilton of Christianity with all that writing. He was also the disciple most loved by Jesus. Love when historical male figures are close friends with one another! Right, historians?
4. James the Greater, son of Zebedee
Another of the inner circle and among the first to be called by Jesus, James loved God’s son, word to Nasir Jones. He loved Jesus enough to ask if he wanted John and him to basically smite a village because they disrespected him. He also asked Jesus if he could sit beside him in Heaven. If that’s not loyalty and dedication, then what really is?
3. Peter, also known as Simon Peter
As a member of the inner circle, he keeps his place in the top three (which should be Andrew’s!). However, he is ranked third because of his fake name. How can an apostle be the best if his name is not his name? Even if Jesus did name him Peter, he could have stayed with Simon since he was so used to talking back.
2. Andrew, brother of Peter
This guy should have been in the inner circle, not Peter. He knew from the get that Jesus was the Messiah. But sure, let’s give Peter, the older brother, all the credit, smh. A shame how he died, though, spread out on an X-shaped cross.
1. Judas Iscariot, the reason for everything
Was he the one who sold out Jesus? Yes. Was he staying true to himself when he did it? Also yes. Was it the Will of God that he did this so that Jesus could then be resurrected to truly show the power of the divine? Absolutely. Can you really blame the guy for doing what was already predestined while trying to get that bag? Who are we to judge?
He did give the money back, though.