Something is happening with men and the concept of masculinity. It is hard to pinpoint the change or the problems, but as a teacher, I see the metamorphosis firsthand.
Young men are explicitly angrier, lonelier, and more afraid. Young women tend to be the targets and scapegoats for those negative emotions.
These are the ideas explored by Adolescence, a recent mini-series.
The show is a masterpiece. Every episode is filmed in one take, no cuts. It may feel like unnecessary work aiming for an “artsy” feel, but the lack of cuts makes the content feel more raw, an appropriate mood for the show. [Note: Heavy spoilers to follow.]
Adolescence disguises itself as a “who done it”, but after the first episode it's clear the show is actually a “why it was done.” Jack Thorne and Stephen Graham, the show’s creators, were explicitly interested in what leads to male violence against women. They wanted to explore why a 13-year-old boy would kill a young girl.
The show opens with the police raiding a home with far too much force for what was found inside, a small boy who wet himself out of fear. Did they need so many armed officers for a child?
The episode follows Jamie Miller, the child in question. We are with him through his confusion and his denials. His fear of needles is brought up multiple times and we worry for him when he has to get a shot. We feel uncomfortable when he is strip searched.
Like his father, we are shocked and confused as we watch him stab a girl multiple times. This couldn’t be the same little Jamie who was afraid of little needles using a knife on someone else. At the end of the first episode, the police show Jamie and his father the footage of the murder.
Despite Jamie’s denials, this isn’t a story about discovering a murder. There are no twists. This is exploring why.
A report in 2023 revealed women were killed by a man close to them every ten minutes. This usually meant a partner or a family member. This isn’t an issue to any specific part of the world. It is a worldwide issue.
The type of violence and who perpetrates the violence may vary from location. In America and Europe, the attacker is usually an intimate partner. In Africa and Asia, the attacker is typically a family member. In all cases, however, men are killing women.
When we look at how many women die at the hands of men, it becomes less surprising that Jamie is capable of this. Still, just like the police officers ask him at the end of the episode, “why do they do it?”
The Red Pill Problem
If you are of a certain age, you’ve probably heard about the choice between the red pill and blue pill. It is a trite reference from The Matrix. Choose the blue pill and choose ignorance and bliss. Choose the red pill and wake up to reality.
This idea has become a movement online, especially amongst the youth not even familiar with the movie, something Adolescence points out. The red pill movement is now most associated with angry young men with animosity toward women and society.
Episode 2 follows two police officers, Bascombe and Frank, as they question students and teachers about Jamie. We slowly build a vision of Jamie’s everyday life.
He isn’t considered cool. He is consistently bullied. The teachers are distant, and the school is in constant chaos.
The officers wanted to better understand the relationship between Jamie and Katie, the victim. In episode 1, we learn she commented on his social media posts. The officers and the audience concluded they must have some type of friendship.
However, Katie’s friend Jade assures the officers that Katie would never be friends with someone like Jamie. The audience eventually learns from one student, Bascombe’s son, that Katie’s social media posts were actually forms of bullying. She was calling Jamie an incel.
In short, an incel is someone who wants to have sex but can’t find a partner. Although Jamie is only 13, Katie’s posts imply Jamie will never find a girl who wants to be with him.
Incel culture is a complicated and dark topic. They tend to harbor a lot of anger and hatred toward women. Women are sexualized and dehumanized. Many incels have retaliated with violence and fantasize by doing so on forums. Although many of them hate women, they are also obsessed with women.
We see some of this with Jamie’s friend Ryan. Ryan is sent to the infirmary after being beaten up by Jade. The officers take this opportunity to question him.
Despite the beating he just took and the questions about his peer’s death, Ryan is more concerned about Bascombe’s cool high school years and his popularity with girls.
This may sound like hyperbole, but the way it was presented was too familiar. I’ve worked with students who were desensitized to death, even when their friends died. Last year I spoke to a student who was upset the day after his friend passed. I approached him with caution to learn he was actually upset about a girl. His friend had died the night before and, at least on the surface, it didn’t phase him.
In this case, it is clear Ryan didn’t care about Katie. His fixation on girls even in such a dark situation is realistic.
Although quick, the show also points out how Jamie’s other interests are not nourished. In episode one, he says his favorite class is History. However, when we meet his teacher we learn he has no control over his class. He is late and plays movies every day. When Bascombe asks the teacher about Jamie he says,
“…I teach History….I don’t really see him…these kids are fucking impossible…what am I supposed to do?”
As a teacher this really hit. There are days I want to tap out, but I’ve always been aware of how much my presence can impact a child’s life. If this teacher had seen Jamie, would things have turned out differently? We will never know, but it is fair to say it is a possibility. For me, that is enough. I try to see all of my students even on the impossible days.
Episode 2 ends with Bascombe speaking to his son. It is clear Bascombe is too busy with his job and working out. His son feels neglected by his father and ostracized at school. In many ways, this mirrors Jamie’s experience.
At the end of the episode, Bascombe invites his son to eat. He says, “I have some free time and I want to spend it with you because I love you.” This line is powerful when spoken by such a traditionally masculine man to his son. It also shows Bascombe has learned some lessons from Jamie’s case.
We don’t know the why, but episode two throws out many theories. Jamie is bullied by his peers, invisible to his teachers, and neglected by his father.
Hot Chocolate or Pickle Sandwich
Episode three takes place seven months after the murder and follows a psychologist, Briony Ariston, who has been speaking to Jamie to measure how much he understands what he has done.
At the start of the meeting, Ariston presents Jamie with a hot chocolate made just how he likes and a pickle sandwich although Jamie hates pickles. These two items are symbolic of the two sides of Jamie.
Jamie is a young child but he is a murderer.
Jamie loves women but he hates women.
Jamie wants to be masculine but also desires emotion and affection not synonymous with traditional masculinity.
Ariston’s conversation is concerned with understanding Jamie’s view of masculinity. When she asked what his dad and grandad are like, Jamie responded with one word.
“Men.”
With some delving, we get Jamie’s view of manhood and masculinity. If a man is loving, it is weird. All men get angry. He describes his father pulling down a shed as funny and as bad as the anger ever gets. He makes a point to declare his father never hit them, a statement I believe based on the rest of the show. It seems to imply extreme anger is okay as long as actual physical violence never occurs.
Jamie’s view of his father becomes clear when he talks about soccer. Jamie is bad. He is so bad his father wouldn’t look at him when he played, and Jamie knows the reason he wouldn’t look is because he is ashamed.
Jamie’s father turns away when he sees Jamie killing Katie in episode one. Again, and rightfully so this time, he is ashamed. In episode four Jamie’s father admits to this.
For many boys, failing at sports is failing at masculinity. Even now, if someone throws something to me to catch and I miss I feel a primal sense of shame as my masculinity takes a hit. It is only a moment, but it was implanted in my DNA at a young age. No matter how much I grow, some of those old instincts pop up when I’m not paying attention.
Jamie admits he is bad at everything, a mentality often found in incel spaces. It is around this time that Jamie tries to gain control of the conversation, growing angry, and knocking away the hot chocolate. In the process, he symbolically knocks away his childhood innocence, his love for women, and his desire for positive masculine affection.
He does ask for another, but mostly as a power move. We start to see his animosity for women in control. Even when a security guard checks on Ariston, Jamie grows angry when she waves him away. He points out how she is some “fucking queen” who feels she can just tell men what to do.
When Ariston starts to question Jamie about sex, he initially shows some discomfort and lies about his experiences, pretending he had physical interactions with girls. Lying about intimacy is still very common for boys and seems directly linked to how they view masculinity. Again, thirteen feels too young for this, but speaking from experience, it is a realistic portrayal.
Eventually, Jamie tells the truth about his experiences.
He saw pictures of Katie topless. She took pictures and sent them to a boy she liked, and of course, the boy spread them across the school. This may sound unrealistic to people not experienced with children, but sharing nude pictures starts at an early age. I teach kids as young as fourteen, and I’ve had to deal with many of these situations. I imagine I only hear about a fraction of these cases. It is just the norm in these social media-driven times. Every kid has a phone.
Jamie decided to take this moment to ask Katie out. He admits he thought she was weak and more likely to say yes. She responded by saying, “I’m not that desperate.”
Katie begins posting on Jamie’s social media, implying he was an incel. It seems she needed to punish Jamie for thinking he was on her level.
“She’s a bitch, right?” Jamie is desperate for Ariston to see his point of view. Katie had it coming. Still, Jamie feigns innocence until growing agitated and concerned about his physical appearance.
He declares he is ugly, and when Ariston doesn’t disagree, he lets the truth slip for a second. He immediately corrects himself and claims she is trying to trick him.
Jamie’s anger comes in flashes and it is apoplectic. Ariston, an experienced psychologist, is shaken by his rage on a few occasions. In many ways, this is a microcosm of what women go through when experiencing the unpredictable rage of a man. This scene amplifies it as this young boy, a murderer, yells into the face of a professional woman, one who is intimidated by the level of his anger.
Near the end of the episode, after he explains his rejection, Jamie says, “That night, I didn’t touch her. I could’ve touch her, but I didn’t. I just…I had a knife. She was scared, but I didn’t do that. I could’ve touched any part of her body I wanted to. I really wanted to but…most boys would’ve touched her. So that makes me better.”
Ariston’s face shows this declaration reveals the truth about Jamie. It is as good as a confession. He slowly unwraps the pickle sandwich and begins to eat it, embracing the anger and the hatred.
When Ariston says this will be their last meeting, Jamie loses it again. He begs Ariston to say she likes him as security drags him away. Again, we see his desperation to be liked by women.
When Katie rejected him at her lowest point, Jamie couldn’t accept it. He couldn’t accept being marked as undesirable forever. It is a feeling many modern men and boys possess today.
Adolescence brings up the 80–20 rule a few times. It states that 80 percent of women are attracted to only 20 percent of men. This means men who don’t fall into the 20 percent will be alone forever. It is a silly, unrealistic statistic, but it feels real to so many men, especially young boys.
In the end, it was too much for Jamie.
Exploring the Cause
Episode four follows Jamie’s family thirteen months after the murder. They are still being harassed by the neighbors. When they aren’t, incel types are secretly worshipping them in store aisles.
We see how any attempt to move forward haunts them.
We also see where Jamie gets some of his unpredictable rage. His father has a conversation about being able to laugh at himself before later attacking two boys who vandalized his truck, declaring “Don’t laugh at me!”
Jamie decides to change his plea in this episode. By admitting his guilt, Jamie’s family is finally able to fully accept the truth. He murdered a young girl.
The show ends with Jamie’s parents trying to figure out how they created Jamie. Did they not spend enough time with him? Was he on the computer too much? How could they make their thoughtful, responsible daughter but also create someone like Jamie?
The dad even talks about how he was abused as a child and how he promised he would never hit his kids. He didn’t. It was something to be proud of but now he questions it.
Jamie’s dad eventually asks, “Should we have done more” and the mother’s response is potent.
“I think it would be good if we accept that we should’ve done.”
What is more? We can’t say for sure. This final conversation implies physical abuse is not the only way to hurt a child. We know emotional neglect, the weight of masculinity, is something that scarred Jamie. When his father turned away during the soccer game, the damage was more than any physical attack could produce.
The show ends with Jamie’s father crying in Jamie’s room and tucking his son’s stuffed bear into bed. It symbolizes Jamie to the audience and to Jamie’s father. He kisses it, something he probably rarely did with the real Jamie, and apologizes saying he should have done better.
I’m not sure if the show is trying to provide one answer, but between the conclusion here and the relationship between Bascombe and his son, the audience can assume Adolescence is concerned with the emotional presence of masculine figures in children’s lives.
Red pill pushers like Andrew Tate capitalize on the lack of presence. This isn’t going to solve everything and the show doesn’t imply that, but it could be a step.
Don't be Defensive
The show has received critical acclaim, but the response also proves the show's point.
Many men are angry about the show. They feel it is just another show talking about how men are evil. Everything is the man’s fault.
I know this is becoming a popular narrative despite living in a patriarchal society, but Adolescence is doing the opposite. It is pointing out very real problems.
I’ve heard men complain about the loneliness epidemic. Many of my boys obsess over the manosphere and figures like Andrew Tate. I spent hours reading the hatred, anger, and depression found on incel forums.
Yes, this show is concerned with the violence of men, but it does not present women as perfect victims. Katie is presented as a teenage girl who is concerned with her status in the social hierarchy. She does bully Jamie. The show wouldn’t do this if it didn’t want to present a realistic take.
I’ve written about how some men handle rejection. Violence is a possible outcome, even when the rejection is kind.
Jamie’s actions are not justified, but the show explores real reasons from real experiences.
Many men also decided to target the creators of the show, specifically Jack Thorne. He is suffering online abuse with people questioning his manhood. For them, only a woman could create something like this. They even become antisemitic claiming he is Jewish and part of an anti-man scheme.
It is ridiculous but also part of the problem. Many men, many people, are not willing to look at themselves in the mirror. Sadly, we can’t change without figuring out the problem.
This show is so concerned and caring when it comes to masculinity. It loves men but because it calls for men to grow, some of us hate it.
That is disappointing.
This post originally appeared on Medium and is edited and republished with author's permission. Read more of LG Ware's work on Medium.